Friday Letters

Dear NF, I love that you say, “May I have…please” we worked on this for about 20 minutes before you were saying “please I have…” … let’s see what you say today.

Plow guy, I don’t know you yet, because there’s been no snow… but I hope that you’re incredible and reliable and I think you’re totally worth it because… you’re necessary.

Dear Joe Anglim, YESSS keep winning those immunity challenges… (did anyone else notice that his and Kelly Wigglesworth’s buns were very similar Wednesday night… ugh I wish I had a photo.)  OH, and where do I buy Joe Anglim’s jewelry???

Patti Labelle’s sweet potato pie, I NEED YOU.

Dear 2016, You are looking fantastic!

Dear Christmas decorations, I know you’re dying to come out of the shed.

Dear Oprah’s book, What I Know For Sure, I am totally loving you.

Dear heartburn, WTFFFFFFFFFF.

Dear Maalox, are you off the market or what… what can I take instead?  A pharmacist said ask my doctor, my doctor said uhhh tums? (THAT IS NOT THE SAME) and I said should I just ask a pharmacists? and he said oh yes try that… UGHH NO one wants to give suggestions to a pregnant person in fear that they’ll be wrong, well thank you for being cautious but my chest is on FIRE.

Dear Yasso Greek Yogurt Mint Chocolate Chip, I am out of you.  If I go to wegmans tonight and you’re not there it is possible I might cry.

Dear winter finales, UGHH why do you exist… I need my shows new each week.

Dear Pie Night, pretty pumped about you next week!!

Dear Tyga and Kylie, did you finally break up?  I hope so.

Dear Miley Cryus, you’re disgusting.

Dear Fashion Police, when are you coming back on?

Dear The Soup, WHY ARE YOU GOING TO BE OVER?

Friday Letters

Dear NF, you’re just the best.

Dear Oprah’s favorite things 2015, OMGGGGGGGG… I love this list every year.  I love it down to the $43 shower gel to the $98 i love sundays v neck sweat shirt…. I love it!!!

Dear Hartmann luggage, I need this bag in gold… yeah for $650… thanks oprah and your expensive taste… I think you’re just one reasonable step below Gwenth Patrow on goop

Dear Jan Mon, Look forward to seeing you soon!

Dear Smellen, it felt like you were in Spain/Portugal for for-ev-errr.

Dear Yasso Greek Yogurt Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream bars, so like why do you have to cost $4.49 a box with only 4 in a box… come on!!  I love you.

Dear Halloween Candy, I JUST CAN’T STOP EATING YOU.

Dear Grey’s, you make me cry…every..episode…why.  When Avery and Callie were able to give that boy hands again… ugh.

Dear Scandal, I saved you for tonight… I hope you’re worth it

Dear Blake and Gwen, it’s too soon for me to accept another relationship… I haven’t healed yet!!

Dear Joe Anglim, where can I buy your jewelry?

Friday Letters

Dear NF, you crack me up.  You hold your hand up or put a finger up and say, “second, hold on.”  Whenever I ask you to do something or stop doing something… and when I tell you it’s time to take a bath you say, “maybe later like Monday.”  yeahhh that sounds good to me NF… you’re crazy town.

Dear Joe Anglim, I really wanna buy your jewelry because I loved your fake hidden immunity idol.

Dear Britt McHenry, oh you’re horrible.

Dear Smellen, I really wanna see your save the dates… but I want to be surprised in the mail too.

Dear Magneto, you’re baby is so close to being born AHHHHHHHHHH can’t wait.

Friday Letters

Dear NF, I am really sorry if I traumatized you more with the car washes… see I know you’re terrified of them… I just thought that maybe if we tried it again that you’d see that they are not that scary… but I think I might have made it worse, I hope I didn’t.  I promise no more car washes with you in the car… at least for a while?

Dear Giuliana Rancic, I can’t wait to read your book.  Going off Script: How I survived a crazy childhood, cancer, and clooney’s 32 On-Screen Rejections… April 7th!!!

Dear Smellen, Thank you for introducing me to Repeat After Me… the funniest show ever right now… really helps with the February blues.

Dear TeeeeVeee, Do you even check this anymore?  You were like my #1 fan for like a week!

Dear Carolyn Rivera on survivor’s white collar tribe, I *THINK* you’re my favorite white collar player… you really showed them!!

Dear Mike Holloway on survivor’s blue collar tribe, you are my favorite on the blue collar tribe because you ate a scorpion for no reason and that is good television.

Dear Joe Anglim on survivor’s no collar tribe, you are my favorite because you could make fire… and said that you practiced making fire before coming on the show…. WHYYYYYYYYY doesn’t everyone do that?  Like why wouldn’t you practice making fire before going on the show?

Dear the dress, you’re blue and black and I don’t understand why people see gold and white….

Dear C, you’re goin on day 9 of being sick… I may be a terrible person but I can only be nice to someone who is sick for 3 days (I think it’s scientifically proven that someone can only have sympathy for a sick person and care for them for like 72 hours before they get annoyed).  Sooo your time is up mister, GET BETTER NOW… you’re disgusting snot coughs snoring is driving me crazy (yes I am sure it is driving you crazy also and for that I feel bad).

Dear Disney world, I miss you.