Friday Letters

Dear NF, You officially say “no” now.  It’s actually pretty shocking that you’ve waited this long to add that word to your vocabulary.  So far you use it in adorable ways… like when I change the channels, no, no, no, no like you’re saying next, next, oh not that channel next, next.  I’m fine with that… it’s when you start adding it to the “MINE!  MY PHONE!” it’ll get old quickly.  No, it is not your phone, you are 2, I didn’t have a phone until I was 18 years old… and I don’t think you should either… but you probably will because we won’t have land lines – and if you’re home alone, I’ll want you to have a phone…. but maybe you can call me from your ipad (will ipads still be a thing?) or something on skype… who knows what’ll happen 10 or 15 years from now… your older cousins got ipads and kindles for Christmas this year and they are 6 and 11… like seriously?  is that normal these days?  If you’re 6 you should get a bike and dolls right?  Not a kindle… I have a kindle… it was a big deal for ME to have a kindle… sorry this letter has turned into a rant about Christmas presents.  In all honesty I wish my parents bought me a Nintendo which is probably the equivalent of getting a kindle these days.  And they never did… but I turned out okay… right?  Oh and I love that you say coffeeee ALL the time.

Dear C, Thank you so kindly for taking care of me yesterday.  I did however yell your name about 15 times from the bedroom like Kate Winslet did in Titanic to Leonardo DiCaprio a the end with zero voice left “JACK…Jack…jack…come back..jack..jackk…jacckkk….jack” (insert C’s name).  You finally came in and by that time I was so dramatic and pathetic that I just sobbed… and instead of telling me to get my ish together you did the exact correct thing!  You picked up NF and you picked up 4 cans of chicken noodle soup and made me some.  Thank you thank you thank you.

Dear Target, I HATE TO LOVE YOU.  Seriously.  WTFFFFFFFFF.  I got targeted.  That’s what we’re calling it didja know?  My info got OUT and I was a victim of identity theft.  Do I know it was because I shopped at Target, no… but I did… and it happened… so I can assume right?  It happened to my sister’s boyfriend who shopped at Target then too.  How many people has this really happened to?  Because you think, oh no it won’t happen to me.  I don’t even win GIVEAWAYS ever… what are the chances it’ll happen to me.  WELL IT DID TARGET… and I did receive 3 gift cards to your store for Christmas and I’ve used almost all of them… so there’s my loyalty toward you.  I can never stay away.  But seriously though is there some law suit I can jump on and get $20 in like two years from all this?  Sorry Target… you really blew it… I’ll still shop there… but man… that really sucks for you.

Dear Smellen, OMGGGGGGGGGGGG you got me riding boots for Christmas… I’ve been searching for a pair for two years… and I couldn’t find one… and bam.. you just buy me a pair in 6 1/2 and done and done.  Love love love love love love love them.

Dear new gray tall ugg boots, yeah yeah yeah maybe you are for college girls… but you are like walking on WARM CLOUDS!!  I love you.

Dear Book Club, yes the book was long… yes the book was boring… yes the book was long (again I know).  But more than just TWO people need to complete the book!  We’ll pick a simpler book for this month.

Dear Orange is the New Black, It took me 5 days to complete the whole 1st season…. WHYYYYYYY isn’t the second season not coming out until the Spring… is that just a rumor?  Could it be sooner?  Please you’re an amazing show… why did I wait so long to watch you?

Dear Candy Crush, I thought I dumped you… Why am I playing… PS Im on level 186… is that good?

Dear storm Hercules, pshhh this is NOTHING.  Yes it’s cold… but the last time it was this cold I can remember it… yeah it was 2004 and I was a senior in high school… but THEN THE NEWS SAID, the last time it was this cold was a decade ago and my head exploded.  WHAT… what did you say weatha man??  A decade ago… that can’t be right… ahhh 2004 was a decade ago?!  what what whatttt.

Dear Scandal, I have to say… I really can’t wait for you to be back on next week!

Dear Pretty Little Liars, it’s been what… like FOREVERRRR and you finally start back up next week… I just don’t know if I can do it… I need some REAL answers… this show has gone on for far too long.  Who am I kidding… I’ll watch just to see what the girls are wearing.

Flash Back Friday

Going on the opposite theme of snow storm Hercules… I am bringing back a cropped group photo of our 2012 Summer co-ed softball championship winning team sponsored by Russian Standard Vodka.  That’s me and C when NF was 10 months old.  I played left field mostly that Summer and had two mean catches… the rest of the time in the outfield I was staring at who ever was watching NF or thinking about whoever was watching NF at home while hoping the ball never came near me.  As for hits – usually grounders right to first, just hard enough to move people on bases but not hard enough to not get out at first.  Perfect, that way I moved people, but I don’t have to run the bases and fear for my life that a ball will line drive me in the face, ear, neck, anywhere basically.  I’ve seen it happen, and I know one day if I play enough it’ll happen to me… it’s statistics not irrational.  I actually wish it was normal to wear helmets in softball… but it’s not.  If you ever see someone wearing one you can basically assume they’ve been severely hit and are serious players.  I am not good enough to pull of wearing a helmet or face mask.  I am pretty certain people would say or think, if that girl is that afraid of getting hit why is she even playing at all.  Good question.  I desperately wish my dad made me play softball growing up.  I played soccer and lacrosse.  I was okay at both, better at lacrosse and stuck with that until I was a senior in high school and apparently too cool to do anything with my time.  MAYBE if I played softball growing up – I’d have a skill I could use as an adult.  So remember that parents… softball is a skill you can use as an adult.  Like golf.  But possibly less expensive.  I also don’t know how to golf.  Have I gone on enough?  Flash back Friday folks!